Did that title capture your attention? Does it hurt to be in your marriage? You are not alone… You see, many, marriages are damaged… but not they are not all irreparable.
If you have ever seen the movie ‘Fireproof’ you will know that it is based upon a step-by-step approach to fixing a marriage that is all but over. When the guy follows the plan, his wife’s heart is softened and he realises (eventually) that he has been selfish and unloving towards his wife.
Watching this movie may just be enough to reverse a marriage with some problems, even if it just prompts us to value our marriages, it is a great family film.
However, some wives are in marriages that just seem hopeless and worst of all they are Christians and they just cannot seem to make it work.
What are they to do? Well, there isn’t a three-step plan back to the heydays but there are some lessons from God’s Word which can improve things from day one.
Someone once said: ‘Adversity introduces a person to himself…’
Just recently someone said ” If only my husband did x, y and z it would all be ok, I don’t ask for much.” My response was, ”you need to glorify God even if your husband doesn’t do x, y and z.” I wasn’t intending on being hurtful but this person needs to be free from worldly thinking – he doesn’t meet my needs so I am at liberty to act as I please!
In John 3:30 it says:
He must increase but I must decrease…
Are you allowing yourself to respond as Christ would?
You see, in the battle fire we are prone to responding according to the pain of our flesh. It is during the battle that we should take up the shield of faith, speak to ourselves of God’s truths and cling to His promises.
Ephesians 5 v 24:
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
If your husband is not a believer, the Word speaks to you in 1 Peter 3 v 5:
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives
We can be disappointed with our husbands or we can see that the Lord is using our marriage to teach us to be more Christ-like. Rarely will we face conflict without emerging from it with a fresh perspective. In the above verses God is showing us how to deal with husbands that behave less than honourably, we can choose to imitate Christ and humble ourselves to submit to our husbands.
Luke 6 v 45:
The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.
Our husbands can’t make us mad, impatient, irritable, ungrateful, their actions are merely the trigger that exposes the sin in our hearts.
We shouldn’t fight to prove we are right or to trip up our husbands but to fight for truth according to God’s Word. We should fight to preserve our marriages, turn them round for good, make them work, have low expectations, be a good example of perseverance to our children and grandchildren.
Don’t give up on your marriage, fight for it as a warrior called to battle. Not because your husband deserves anything but because of the calling of your God.
Satan is the real enemy, he is the one with whom we do battle. But, remember he is defeated. Do not listen to his lies – you can forgive your husband as Christ forgave you.
Luke 6 v 27-28.
Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you
Please also know that if this is a long and unhappy season it does not mean that this is forever, I have counselled several women who after long periods of marital problems have seen a huge turnaround in their marriages. Clinging to God’s truth works.
If your husband is angry, become more gentle and submissive… if he is impatient become long-suffering, if a spiteful man, become kind, if selfish – become more generous.
Philippines 4 v 13:
For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
Be determined to do all that you can to honour Christ in your marriage, without expecting anything in return, there is great strength to be found in realising your purpose in the battle you are in.
May the Lord empower you with His Holy Spirit to overcome and conquer.